Personal reflection

I am a first generation Australian, my parents  came from a relatively poor and underdeveloped village in Europe, They also brought with them the culture that they grew up with within that village ( a culture that they had extreme loyalty to, and a great allegiance to all people who shared that culture)- Anne phillips points out that this sense of national loyalty is a key aspect in culture. 

My parents are very proud of their culture, my first language was Macedonian, even though i was born in Australia. I remember struggling through kindergarten, staying back for 2-3 hours every day to learn English, i cried every night, my parents couldn't help me because they couldn't speak English very well at all, and only allowed me to socialise with other kids that shared the same background- due to my parents 'othering' of any other culture. 

The school I attended was a catholic private school with about 99% of students having Australian parents. Even after i learned  English i felt extremely excluded, i looked different and no matter how hard i tried to fit in, I never did.

As refered to as 'essentialism' by Arnot and Dillbough, my defining factor, my unchangeable quality was my background- my identity became fixed . After experiencing a form of micro-aggression through the first very important years of my schooling life, i eventually started believing all the discourses that my peers thought of me and lost any sort of confidence in myself. My parents at this time where occupied with work and couldn't see my confidence and self worth falling. I remember being extremely depressed and avoiding school as much as possible. 

This self doubt continued on to high school, i never believed that i could go to uni or become anything important. only recently, after applying for uni as a mature age student has my confidence grown, from being exposed to many different cultures and people with different life stories have i realized that my background does not define me, my own experiences and attitudes do, andthe culture that i am a part of is only a small fraction of me. 

i think that discourses of any kind will always exist, it is extremely dangerous though, when, the individual starts believing the negative labels that other people place on the culture, age, gender or whatever it may be, and it takes a very long time to disconnect yourself from these.

References:

• Arnot, M., & Dillabough, J. (1999). Feminist politics and democratic values in
  education. Curriculum Inquiry, 29(2), 159-189. doi: 10.2307/3185890